The Grand Ennui

Getting mellow like Maria Bello.

2011-10-28T09:06:00.004-04:00

So, last night I watched a movie with Maria Bello, and by the way, doesn't she have great feet, and I don't mean nice feet, or really nice feet, I mean she has really great feet ...
But yeah, I was watching this movie with Maria Bello, and she was playing this sexually dysfunctional type lady that she plays so well, yeah, dysfunction is an art form with her ...
And anyway, she ended up dieing in the movie, but she was ok with that, actually, she was more than ok with that, she was absolutely euphoric with that.
And Jason Patric was the guy who killed her, oh, I didn't mention that she was murdered, did I, just that she died ... euphorically.
Yeah, Jason Patric killed her, but he loved her too, and he killed her because he loved her, because she wanted to die, and he felt that was the least he could do for her, and I swear to god that Jason Patric has matured into a horribly misshapen man since he was one of the lost boys, and if you don't believe me just do a google image search.
Finally, Rufus Sewell was Mario Bello's husband, and there really isn't much to say about him except that he has a truly awesome name, and if I could change my name, I would most definitely change it to Rufus Sewell, or better yet I'd change it to Rufus "Boz Man" Sewell.
Yeah.

Like some cat from Japan

2011-10-13T01:34:00.004-04:00

Holy shit, it's October already, and I'm typing in the dark, and I've got so little to say, and is it too late to be a rock and roll star, or the voice of my generation, or a cowboy with a big white hat.

Do you feel like dancing, I mean yeah, I can get out the mixed tape you made for me with Blister in the Sun on it, and yeah, we can pretend it's the eighties, if that's what it will take, ok, I mean OK!

Not so true blood

2011-06-21T23:51:00.003-04:00

Fuck the rain.

I wonder how much I could get for a kidney, or the rights to my life story, or the lies that I've told, not that I've told any, but you know, I would, if I could sell them, yeah, I'd do that.
Would you?
Who cares?

Hey, get back here, I'm not done with your skinny ass yet.

The seventies weren't really all that bad.

Projectile blogging II

2011-06-07T01:25:00.003-04:00

I'm not too pleased with that last post I made.
I'm taking my mulligan.

It's really hot and stuffy tonight and my computer sounds like it's going to explode, and yeah, my fingers are having problems finding the right keys, and I'm right here, sitting in front of the computer screen, trying to squeeze a few more words out, and FUCK, my arms hurt, but I'm not going to talk about that, yeah, don't even ask me about my arms, leave them the fuck out of this, what, huh, still???
I'm flipping through my ipod searching for the perfect song to fit this not so perfect mood, but nothing yet, just a lot of jangly guitars when I need a throbbing pulsating beat, or a throbbing pulsating cock, and I'm not capable of either one, doobie, doobie doo,
I could puke at any moment.

Projectile blogging

2011-06-06T23:37:00.002-04:00

I shouldn't have eaten the leftover pizza a half hour ago, but it was inevitable that I would, because it was there, and so was I.
The irresistible force and the immovable object.
I should watch a movie, the kind that puts me to sleep, not the kind that keeps me awake, and maybe I should have said, not the kind that keeps me awake, but the kind that puts me to sleep, or vice versa ...
Ignore that last paragraph. Don't ask why, just ignore it.
Who are my 16 followers? I need names, I need reasons, I need affirmation.
I'm going to watch that movie now.

It was kind of a downer movie with tits.

2011-05-31T04:21:00.004-04:00

It's after four in the morning, and I woke up about two hours ago, ok, maybe an hour and a half ago, but the time isn't all that important, is it, right. I mean there's twenty four hours in a day no matter how you slice it, unless of course you start zigzagging across the time zones ... like BAM.
Anyway, I couldn't sleep, so I started watching a movie, and the movie had tits in it, and even though it had tits in it the movie was still kind of a downer, you know, drug abuse, and infidelity, and serpent symbolism, yeah, some really downer karma dharma mojo STUFF, so yeah, I turned it off.
I mean, what else could I do?
So then I started listening to music, you know, the same old stuff that I always listen to when I cant' sleep, or think, or see, or hear, and the music caused me to wax nostalgic, and whenever I wax nostalgic my thoughts eventually turn to The Grand Ennui, so here I am.
I'm glad I got that out of my system.
Did I leave out the part about the pizza at three in the morning?
Well, yeah, there was that, and the diet coke, and the cough drop for the cough that appeared out of nowhere, I mean, literally out of fuckin' nowhere, man.
Ok, when I started this post I really wanted to say something profound, you know, make a statement, state my goals, get all poetic, and stuff, and stuff, and more stuff.
And this is all I could come up with.
My mellow is offically harshed.
Don't wait up.
Goodnight.

Meanwhile ...

2011-02-15T19:36:00.003-05:00

Cough, cough, cough.
It's really dusty around here, isn't it?
Yeah, I know it's been about seven years since I posted in here, but it's not like you stopped by to check on me.
It looks like I'm pretty big in the asian community.
(Note to self: next time I try to make a post at McDonald's try to get a table in the fuckin' corner away from everybody. Seriously, there is a table full of people behind me and they're talking, and eating, and snorting and breathing and stuff ... they're breathing my fucking air, the rat bastards,)
Anyway, this post is dedicated to all my asian friends. I finally forgive you for Pearl Harbor, even the non-japanese among you.

It ain't no use to sit and wonder why ... babe.

2010-05-27T00:23:00.002-04:00

Dear Penthouse Forum,
So, I bought an Acer Netbook for $199.99, which is a great price. I mean a really great price, but for some reason I have this urge to tell people that I won it, and then have sex with it.
Yeah, sex with the netbook, Oh yeah, hot steamy netbook sex.
Sex, sex, sex, sex.

How long does it take before fuck becomes meaningless?

2010-05-24T14:30:00.004-04:00

Fuck, it is uncomfortably sticky today.
And I'm stuck in the fucking house.
Because the fucking plumber is coming today.
And the fucking plumber said he would be here sometime late in the morning.
It is now fucking two thirty in the fucking afternoon.
Which if my knowledge of GMT is correct means that's he's at least two and half fucking hours late.
So I fucking called him.
And I got his fucking voice mail.
But the fucker did call me back.
He said he was running long on a job at the fucking hospital.
Yeah, like I believe he's at the fucking hospital.
He's probably drinking beer and eating fucking chicken wings at some fucking bar that has a lakeside fucking breeze.
While I am stuck in this fucking house waiting for the fucking plumber to finish his fucking beer and fucking chicken wings.
Life's a fucking fuck.

Blogger, beat me, I deserve it for what I have done to you.

2010-05-24T01:46:00.003-04:00

Blogger, please forgive me for I have strayed.
What's it been six months, a year, a lifetime.
I feel such shame.
Man, a lot of blogs have died, and a few people too.
So, I'm going to try this again.
I'm not going to promise you ice cream in the sky with diamonds, or cherry coke with a hint of vanilla, or boner inducing posts. I'm just going to promise you that I'm going to try and post, you know, every once in awhile, and maybe a hickey just under your left ear.

Hey, boz here

2010-05-22T20:14:00.003-04:00

I'm going to the beach tomorrow because I think I want to be a beach bum this summer, because it is cheaper than being a buy everything you see online bum, well, after I buy all the things I need to buy to become a beach bum, like one of those mesh chairs with a drink holder that I can sit in and watch the young girls in their bikinis as they walk by, and a cooler to put the drinks in that will go in the drink holder in the mesh chair, and 500 spf sun screen, and beach towels, and stuff to put in the cooler, and flip flops so I don't get sand in my shoes, and mescaline, and two, maybe three, hand grenades, and a compass, no not a compass, but that thing that is like a compass, you know what I mean, right, it's like a compass but it's not, it's an mp3 player, yeah, that's it.
Oh, and a pair of very cool mirrored aviator sunglasses.

Be Bop Re Bop

2009-09-18T05:27:00.004-04:00

I woke up at four thirty this morning and I was starving.
So I fixed something to eat.
But I can't eat alone so I turned on the television.
And a Glenn Ford movie was just starting.
And you know Glenn Ford.
Glenn's a righteous man
A passionate man
Always at odds with himself or society, or both
And it weights heavy on his soul.
And he's loud
And he wrings his hands
and wipes the sweat from his brow
And he thinks out loud
And he's indignant when people don't see it his way
And this movie was no different.
He worked for an airline and was investigating a plane crash.
And fifty three people were dead, damn it
And he needed to know why.
But Glen was a little too righteous, a little too passionate, a little too at odds, a little too indignant, and a little too loud this morning
So I turned off the television and here I am.

Sometimes.

2009-09-17T02:55:00.003-04:00

I had such a nightmare last night that I woke up at five thirty and didn't even think about going back to bed until seven thirty.

If you touch it, you bought it.

2009-09-16T02:57:00.004-04:00

Hey, it's me again.
Can't sleep.
How about you?
I'm listening to music right now.
Sort of sad folky music from the mid 60's.

I wonder if Asian girls with dragons tattooed on their backs like sad folky music from the mid 60's?
Yeah, it's pretty late.
Just after three in the morning, so I'll probably be sleeping till around noon again today, and I almost typed till noon tomorrow, but tomorrow is already today, and I hope I don't forget to make my meds again today.
Fucking bug is attacking my monitor. One of those little no see me's.(mes?)
Go find your own fucking light to be fucking attracted to(too?)

Whoa, I almost lost consciousness there for a second.

Anyone want to fuck, fight, or philander?

Is your boat still floating?

2009-09-15T20:34:00.003-04:00

I'm going to take a shower now.
Did I mention that I shaved my head?
It's cool, but now I have all this shampoo.
Ok, I still use the shampoo, but I just don't use as much.
Is this post going anywhere?
I think this is why I stopped posting in here.
My new tattoo itches, and is flaking.
Or is it flaking and itching?
I don't care.
There is a plastic rat on my desk.
Film at eleven.

Just another day

2009-09-15T01:40:00.004-04:00

Hey, how you doing?
I was going to post something tonight, but I got caught up with emails.
I have a lot of correspondence with women in prison, and they get kind of pissed off if you don't email them right back, I mean RIGHT BACK!

What can I say, confined chicks dig me.

Something, something, ass, ass, ass.

2009-09-13T03:05:00.008-04:00

Man, my fucking back really fucking hurts.
It's my lower back that hurts tonight.
But fuck that.
Did I tell you that I shaved my head?
Did I tell you that I got a giant dragon tattoo on my back?
Did I tell you that I just ate two peanut butter sandos at three in the morning?
What is it about me and three in the morning.
It's like I don't start feeling awake until three in the morning.
And more importantly, why do I find actress Jane Adams so incredibly sexy?

Jane Adams, the actress that I find incredibly sexy, and maybe I should write her a fan letter and tell her my true feelings, or better yet, maybe I should write some fan fiction where Jane Adams and I are stranded alone together on some desert island where our lives alone together are like the plot of an FX sitcom, where we can say shit once an episode and have fleeting blurred glimpses of my ass, and on and on and on and on and on, then suddenly ... I wake up in a cold sweat, my wife by my side, a wife that looks nothing like Jane Adams, and then I really honestly wake up for real listening to some song by Steve Earle, or Sheryl Crow, or They Might Be Giants, or the Pogues, or the Ditty Bops, or Jenny Lewis, or the Old 97s.
The end, while I am still ahead.
And how did I get tangled up in all these wires?

Sometimes strange people are just strange.

2009-09-13T01:49:00.003-04:00

So, I watched a movie tonight.
Ok, it wasn't a great movie.
Ok, it wasn't even a good movie.
Ok, it was barely a movie, but it was the kind of movie that I wanted to watch tonight, and it was, WAIT FOR IT ... House Bunny.
Yeah, the one where the former playboy bunny becomes a house mother to a broken down sorority, and I guess it was like a female virgin, I mean version, of Revenge of the Nerds, but not as funny, and not as good, but it was what I wanted to see, because I've been thinking some really heavy thoughts lately, and I needed a moron movie, and is that the way to spell lately, well, it will be after spellcheck.

And this is Connie Kreski my favorite playboy playmate of all time.

And I think she was my favorite playmate of all time was because I was seventeen, and she was the first playmate of the first playboy that I ever bought, and I hung her centerfold up in my closet in my bedroom, and I would stare wistfully at her for hours on end, well, I would stare wistfully at her for hours on end when I wasn't pretending I was Jim Morrison of the Doors in front of the mirror in my bedroom.

Jesu7s Christ, I mean Jesus Christ without the 7

2009-09-12T00:49:00.005-04:00

So, I was just just surfing around, and I found an old blog by an old blogger who doesn't blog anymore, and he had a link to a blogger that is still blogging, and that blogger who is still blogging had a link to here ... HERE!!!
Seriously, has it really been ... (March, April, May, June, July, August, September) six months since I posted, and was my last post really post 1398, and if it was, why didn't I at least stick around till I made post number 1400, and I think I'm going to post a picture of a half naked celebrity just for old times sake.

Here's to you Zooey Deschanel, Jesus loves you more than you will know

Woo, woo, woo.
Edited to add that she really isn't half naked, but in my mind she is.

There's nobody here, except the people who are always here.

2009-03-14T21:41:00.004-04:00

So, I'm sitting here, and I'm very hungry, I mean very hungry, I mean like I might pass out any minute hungry.
So, I mean, but, I don't know what to eat.
Maybe a Hungry Man Dinner, mmmmmmmmm, that sounds good, or maybe peanut bu ... no, none of that, or chicken broth, no way am I eating chicken broth, and you don't really eat chicken broth, do you, you just sort of let it slide down, and seriously after my liquid diet I don't care if I ever taste, (ha, you don't taste broth!) I don't care if I ever taste chicken broth again in my mortal life, and did I tell you that I spilt a whole cup of vegetable broth on myself while I was in the hospital, and I started screaming OWOWOWOWOWOWOW, which is not to be confused with WoW, which is still kicking my ass, I started screaming, ok, not screaming, but just a notch or two below screaming, yeah, I started screaming to the negative 2, and a shitload of nurses, and aides, and techs, and social workers, and that guy that used to be on TAXI all came running in thinking that I was about to fall, but I was sitting down, so I really couldn't fall, but they came running in anyway, and oh yeah, I wasn't screaming OWOWOWOWOWOW, I was screaming, well, you know, not quite screaming OWOWOWHELPMEHELPMEHELPMOWOWOWOWHELPMEHELPMHELPME, and they all came running in, and found out I wasn't falling, and maybe the broth wasn't all that hot, but it was hot enough to send me into hysterics, and to cut a long story short the staff cleaned me up, and made sure my secret parts didn't get burnt, and the incisions were ok, and to tell you the truth I felt kind of sheepish about all the hubbub, but not that sheepish, then I went back to bed and had some ginger ale.
I think I'm still hungry, back to you Felipe ...

Eh-thank you Mister Senor Boz.
Mister Senor Boz my friend Eduardo would like to come eh-visit me on my eh-day off ...

You don't get a day off.

Oh, I see Mister Senor Boz, I will eh-fix you eh-something to eat eh-now. Would you like some eh-Mofongo?

Why, oh why, did I eat ice cream right out of the carton at 8:00 in the morning?

2009-03-11T08:03:00.003-04:00

Because it was there.
Because I've really been on an ice cream binge since I got back from LA.
Because it was chocolate peanut butter swirl, or cup, or something like that.
Where's Felipe, I need somebody to draw my bath.
Ok, there really is no Felipe, that's just a character I came up with at the spur of the moment when I was writing an email to a friend that haunts the local drugstore looking for strange products that she herself would never use, but has no qualms about recommending to friends, like I said, Felipe is just a character I came up with at the spur of the moment when emailing a friend and it just flowed out of my mind, into my fingers, and then tippy tippy tapped from my fingers, to my keyboard, where it now resides in my computer and on my monitor, singing it's body electric across the world wide web forever and ever and ever.
I wish I hadn't eaten all the ice cream because I think I want some more.

The Adventures of Felipe, Boz's Slightly Effeminate Manservant. #2

2009-03-10T21:19:00.004-04:00

Hello, I am once again Felipe, Mister Senor Boz's slightly effeminate manservant.
Ever since Mister Senor Boz's eh-mucho serious health problems of the past few months. I have taken to eh-sleeping on a pallet at the foot of Mister Senor Boz's bed. Mister Senor Boz assures me that this is no longer necessary, but I can tell by the eh-tone in his eh-voice that he eh-longs for my companionship.
Mister Senor Boz is a proud man and oftentimes you eh-must listen to what he eh-means, and not eh-what he says.
Eh-scuse me, but I hear Mister Senor Boz eh-calling for my services from a room that is not this eh-room. Such is the life of a slightly effeminate manservant.

The Adventures of Felipe, Boz's Slightly Effeminate Manservant.

2009-03-10T16:21:00.008-04:00

Hello, I am Felipe, Mister Senor Boz's slightly effeminate manservant.
I am 25 years old, but I have been told frequently that I could pass for 15.
Mister Senor Boz has been very eh-busy lately and one of my new eh-duties is to make sure that Mister Senor Boz's delightful blog, The Eh-Grand Ennui, does not fall into disrepair.
Eh-scuse me now, I have to go take my music lesson. Mister Senor Boz would like me to learn to sing and play in the fashion of the post heroin addicted Eric Clapton so on nights when Mister Senor Boz has trouble eh-sleeping perhaps I can serenade him till slumber embraces him.

I heard that Eric Clapton song, where he pushes his son out the window, twice on the radio today.

2009-03-09T17:23:00.003-04:00

Hello, this isn't boz.
I'm just some guy who hacked into boz's blog today to see if he is keeping his word about re-inventing blogging.
So far, I'm not real sure.
I mean, you know boz as well as I do, and mostly his intentions are good, but yeah, he has a short attention span.
That's all, I've only got five minutes before the internet police can trace this hack.

Have you ever sneezed 15 times in a row? I have.

2009-03-08T12:56:00.002-04:00

Damn, it's like one in the afternoon, and I just got out of bed, you know, not because I'm lazy, but because of daylight savings time. I have this theory about daylight savings time, My theory is the day before DST starts or ends I always stay up as late as I can and then totally disregard the time change on the next day. Of course, this fucks up my whole day, but it's a small price to pay for my sanity, or my tenuous grasp on sanity, or my long walk off a short pier to the bosom of insanity.
Don't forget to turn the lights off when you leave, I'm going back to bed.

I don't know which clock to believe, the one that says 3:24, the one that says 4:24, or the one in my head that tells me that it's time to kill the ..

2009-03-08T04:23:00.003-04:00

monkeys, kill all the monkeys.

Just a picture of the mountains outside my airplane window on my flight home from LA. I did tell you that I was in LA, didn't I? Anyway, I don't know what mountains these are, they might be the ones around Los Angeles, or they might be the Rocky Mountains, or the lesser known Bullwinkle Mountains

I'm so very sleepy, but you know, when I close my eyes there's nothing there, well,
that's not really accurate, because if there was nothing there I'd probably be asleep, so there is SOMETHING there, it just isn't sleep. I think maybe it's a hologram of GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, yeah, that's it.

All my old blog friends are dead and gone ... sniff, sniff, sniffer-o-o-o-o

2009-03-08T00:06:00.004-05:00

Ok, I left one blog link, but that's mostly so I'll know how to post new blog links if I ever get any new blog links, but I'll tell you, they're all gone, ok I should probably link Malone's blog, cause he sort of still blogs, and did I tell you I met him when I was in LA, and we both said that we were going to re-invent blogging, but I think it's still in the planning stage, or maybe the procrastination stage, but uhhh ...
Long live blogging and ...
Long live the dancing baby.
Vive la baby!!!

Spring forward ... and fall flat on your face and get a nasty gash in your forehead, oh no, not me, not this year.

2009-03-07T22:10:00.006-05:00

Boz, what happened to your hair, I ask myself using the third person, which I have become so fond of.

Yesterday:

Today:

This is what happens when they ask if you'd like to try a #2 clipper attachment, and you're like, what the hell, it will always grow back if I don't like it.
It sort of looks like I'm getting ready for brain surgery, doesn't it.

Maybe this proves that I'm not such a nerd after all.

2009-03-06T18:04:00.003-05:00

Ok, World of Warcraft is kicking my ass.
My character's name is Bozbozenboz, and he's a human, and a paladin, and I really don't know what that is, but he has a big wooden hammer that he's supposed to kill things with, but so far all he has killed is a cute little bunny, and he's been killed twice, once by some kind of rat or something, and another time by a couple of teenage punks with spotty complexions hanging around outside the bowling alley, and to add insult to injury some level 14 geek with a character name of something like GoodKingPoofEnToofer called me a noob!!!
I have a long road ahead of me.

Nerd alert, nerd alert, nerd alert ...

2009-03-02T19:48:00.002-05:00

It's not my fault, I was brainwashed and re-programmed by the dvl family. Now I just need a suitable screen name, and a clue to what the fuck the game is all about.

More from LA

2009-03-02T17:13:00.003-05:00

This picture was taken from the terrace of the Beverly Plaza which is a huge mall just about a mile and a half from where dvl lives. The mall is like 15 stories high, and has all sorts of cool stores that I have never heard of, but they did have a Foot Locker and that is where I used my two $50.00 gift cards to buy myself two pairs of Chucks, and while we were on the terrace dvl drank a coffee from Starbucks (I think it was Starbucks.) and I drank a diet Coke from either a Chinese, Korean, or Thai restaurant.
This is probably the first of many pictures that I took of the hills surrounding the city, which of course, dvl was quick to point out that I must really love the mountains, and that was just before she tried to harvest my organs to sell on the black market and sell my soul to the Scientologists on Hollywood Blvd.

The Grand Ennui, and blogging in general, reborn!!!

2009-03-01T16:43:00.003-05:00

Talk about old school! Look who I met in LA, dvl and Kevynnn Malone, and we all agreed that it is time for a rebirth of blogging, normal people style.

Please dear God, don't let Will Smith produce, direct, and star in a movie about President Obama.

2009-01-24T19:33:00.002-05:00

I mean, he can do Bush if he wants, but NOOOOOOOOOOOObama.
Thank you.

No sleep

2009-01-23T10:59:00.000-05:00

Feel dead.
Must go back.
To bed.
Ack.

I hardly did anything that I wanted to do today.

2009-01-22T01:02:00.002-05:00

I didn't shave.
I didn't take out the garbage, but I can take that out in the morning, I mean, there's no big rush about it, because they never pick up until late in the afternoon, except maybe for tomorrow.
Ok, they don't deliver mail on Sunday. Monday was a postal holiday, I didn't get any mail on Tuesday, and I didn't get any mail on Wednesday, and it's time like these when I question whether I actually exist or not.
I watched way too much television tonight, and ate way too many Reese's Pieces, and ???
Ohhhh, I used my new four slice toaster tonight, and I was kind of worried about how well it would work, because I bought the cheapest one I could find, but when I took it out of the box I realized that it was the same cheap brand as my two slice toaster, and that's always worked pretty good, so that eased my fears, yeah, like I was really afraid.
My fingers are telling me to quit making so many typing mistakes and go to bed.
So, I will.

Do toasters come with built in mp3 players?

2009-01-20T09:29:00.003-05:00

When I wake up I am going to purchase a four slice toaster.
I used to have a four slice toaster but MB in the depths of her dementia buried it in the back yard.
I do, however, have a two slice toaster, so maybe I should just buy another two slice toaster and duct tape them together.

Did you know that anemia is not a country in central europe?

2009-01-19T23:51:00.005-05:00

I ate peanut butter at 3:00 this morning.
It wasn't the smartest thing I've ever done.
Then again, it wasn't the dumbest thing I've ever done either.
Oh yeah, I remember something else I want to see/do in LA.
I want to see the Hollywood sign, but I think I mentioned that already.
Ohhhh, and I want to sing a duet with dvl of the song In California originally recorded by Neko Case.
And I guess that's it for now.

And the Hollywood sign, the Hollywood sign, how could I forget the Hollywood sign.

2009-01-18T09:56:00.005-05:00

We got another shitload of snow yesterday.
It's finally stopped.
I know this because the city snow plow(s) have already been by.
I really don't need this today.
My whole body already hurts.
And I'm still half asleep too.
Ah, but I do have a new snow shovel.
And I almost forgot that when I listen to an mp3 player while shoveling it makes the time go by faster.
On the other hand, the heartburn that I had last night is starting to come back.
I've also got a whole lot of empty bottles that I need to take back to the store.
Stupid deposit law.
Ha, but at least we don't have to recycle.
We just throw our stuff into a landfill and let nature takes it's course, or not.
My back is killing me.
I'm going back to bed.
Where I'll probably dream about shovelling snow until I have to get up and actually shovel snow.
That is, if I even fall asleep.
Sometimes it sucks being Boz.

If Woody Harrelson were a tree, what kind of tree would he be?

2009-01-17T08:01:00.002-05:00

Did I just wake up at seven thirty in the morning and have a bowl of ice cream?

Easy listening hits of 1968-69 aren't that easy to listen to.

2009-01-17T01:38:00.004-05:00

My flight to and from SoCal is booked.
Yeah, for me, and yeah, for Dvl and Tim for gently reminding every few months that I was still welcome.
I'm leaving February 21st and will be returning March 3rd.
I'm actually pretty easily entertained.
Some of the things I'd like to see or do, but I'm not married to any of them.
1. The Pacific Ocean would be nice to see, but I'd settle for the Los Angeles River.
2. The Sunset Strip and all the cool stuff on the Strip, I mean I don't even have to go into these places, you know, I'd just like to see them from the outside, like the Whiskey A Go Go, and the Troubadour, and you know, I'm not even sure that these places are on the Strip, but if they aren't, I'm sure there are places just as cool, and yeah, I'll be saying cool a lot, because they say that a lot out in SoCal.
3. Um, I can't think of anywhere else right now, oh but, my relatives from Michigan are worried that Dvl and Tim are going to kidnap and sell me into white slavery (I wish) and my relatives from Florida have "concerns" about Tim, and this was before I even told them that the dvl's live in West Hollywood.
4. Oh, I know what would be nice. It would be nice to have some kind of meet and greet so I could actually meet some of the people from SoCal that I have gotten to know over the internets. You know, at a bar or something, and they could damn me with faint praise.
5. Ohhhhhhhhhhhh, I would really like to be met at the airport by Dvl holding a sign with BOZ written on it, like all the high rollers get.
6. Ok, seriously, I can't think of anything right now, oh wait, I'd like to go to Duke's, which is a diner near the dvl's condo where they eat breakfast once in awhile because it is close and convenient, and do close and convenient mean the same thing?
7. Is there a Martin Milner museum out there? That would certainly be worth a visit. One Adam Twelve, One Adam Twelve ... damn, I loved that show.
8. I was actually in Los Angeles once. Well, I was in the Los Angeles airport once. It was back in May of 1972, and it was the day I was discharged from the Air Force, and I took a flight out of San Francisco, and I was bumped up to first class, and I got two free drinks, and me not being much of a drinker, the two free drinks that I drank in like a half hour, were enough to put me on a pretty good roll once I got to LAX, and I had a three or four hour layover, and for the life of me, I don't remember a single thing I did while I was there, there being the Los Angeles airport or as us frequent flyers like to call it ... LAX.
9. I'm really tired now, and I just had the shit scared out of me because one of the giant icicles on the back of the house just broke off, very loudly broke off, I might add.
10. So yeah, I'm going to SoCal, and just how cool is that!

Dvl, phone home, or at least answer your emails.

2009-01-16T01:40:00.003-05:00

Ok, I have a problem here.
You see, I'm going to fly out to California in the next month or so and visit the hauntingly beautiful dvl and her family, and we are going to drink margaritas and eat peanuts and watch the sun come up over the Pacific Ocean, wait, that would mean getting up really early, so let's change that to watch the sun go down over the Pacific Ocean, while drinking peanuts and eating Margaritas ...
Anyway, my problem is, and it's really not a major problem, and maybe it even isn't, shouldn't that be isn't even, yeah, and maybe it isn't even a problem, so I'll let you decide.
You see, DVL ISN'T ANSWERING MY EMAILS!!!
Ok, maybe that's a bit strong, maybe dvl has been busy.
Yeah, that's it, she's been busy defrosting a pot roast, or something, to acknowledge any of the thousands of emails I either did or didn't send her today.
Ok, I only sent her one email today, asking her when would be the best time for my visit ....
WAIT!!!
She's ignoring me for a reason!
(Here is where my rampant paranoia kicks in)
She never wanted me to visit in the first place.
It's just a cruel joke that her and the rest of Southern California are playing on me.
Yeah, I bet all of SoCal is out there eating peanuts and drinking Margaritas and laughing at me while the sun sets over the Pacific Ocean.
That is so cruel.
I think I'm going to duct tape myself into the fetal position and go to bed and cry, and I should probably wait until I get into bed to do the duct taping.
'night.

Whatever you do, don't pull my finger.

2009-01-15T22:12:00.002-05:00

I feel sick tonight.
Maybe it's the cold weather, it's already like -2 degrees.
Maybe it's the half can of Buffalo Wings Flavored Pringle's that I ate earlier tonight.
Maybe it's the way the moon and the stars are aligned.
Maybe it's because I bought an 8th mp3 player.
Maybe it's because I walk around the house all day in my underwear, not for any socio-sexual-political statement, but just because I can, and, no, I am fully dressed right now.
Ok, I think I've figured it out.
Ok, I think it's because I went out earlier today in this bitter cold weather wearing nothing under my coat but a t-shirt, a t-shirt that wasn't tucked in, a t-shirt that because it wasn't tucked the cold bitter arctic winds were able to swirl up my t-shirt and attack my unguarded, and highly sensitive skin.
Ok, maybe it was just the Pringle's, or is that Pringles sans apostrophe?

Is it time, or am I just imagining it?

2009-01-14T23:51:00.003-05:00

He was running his hand through his thinning hair when he first noticed the small bump on his head, but he didn't pay much attention at the time, he was too interested in the hockey game on television.
(Ok, this is a short story, and it's not autobiographical, it's just about a guy with thinning hair, and it's just a coincidence that I have thinning hair, and I don't have a small bump on my head either, at least not that I've noticed, and, yes, the hockey game is on television, but I'm paying more attention to this than I am to the hockey game.
So, like I said this is a short story, but it's not about me.)
He sneezed.
(I sneezed too!)
And then he started typing frantically on his computer keyboard.
(Ok, now, this is getting spooky, cause, yeah, I'm frantically typing on my computer keyboard too, but ha, my keyboard is illuminated.)
He finished his thought, and sat back and admired his new illuminated keyboard.
(Yeah, but mine is red.)
His red illuminated keyboard.
(Isn't this fun. I mean, I could do this all night ... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz)
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
(Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.)

I bought shirts for $3.50 each

2009-01-14T19:58:00.004-05:00

Ok, they looked better in the store.
And I also ate about a quarter of a bag of BBQ Pork Skins just now, and really, they are terrible, I mean, they were terrible after the first bite, but I kept thinking they would get better, I mean, they had to get better, didn't they, they couldn't get any worse, could they, but actually they stayed the same, so it was moot that I continued eating.

And no, I didn't find a luggage tag for under a dollar. I FOUND TWO LUGGAGE TAGS FOR UNDER A DOLLAR, and they are great and awesome luggage tags that won't embarrass me when I land in California, of course the shirts might embarrass me ...
Hey, I smell ice cream.
later.

After further review ...

2009-01-14T14:55:00.002-05:00

I've got an appointment to see a massage therapist on Monday.
I've wanted to get one for years, but something always came up.
But I actually made the call this morning and the massage therapist's name is very alliterative. I think it's Debbie Doright or Debbie Somethinglike that. It should be fun, and I'm glad it's a girl and not a guy therapist, and not because of that, well, yeah, because of that, but because, I mean, who wouldn't prefer to have a woman's hands all over their body ... yeah, I thought so.
Ok, I'm going to go get something to eat, and maybe try to find a luggage tag for my impending trip to California, but I will not, I repeat, I will not pay over a dollar for a luggage tag, ok, maybe I would if it were a Bettie Page luggage tag, but that's it.

So, I guess I'm back ... redux

2009-01-14T01:58:00.004-05:00

Ok, I've already posted on that other place.
The place where everybody likes me ...
But you know, this is still the place.
Ok, maybe it isn't the place.
But it's a place.
And it's been a place for over six years.
And that's a long time.
And I watched Slumdog Millionaire tonight.
And it was pretty good.
And the sound track was even better.
And I really think that I am developing a appreciation of all things Indian.
And I like how they sing and dance at the drop of a hat.
And that movie Bend It Like Beckham was pretty good too.
And I saw Pineapple Express the other night too.
But it had nothing to do with India, so that really didn't help my appreciation of all things Indian very much, if at all.
And I saw The Wrestler with Mickey Rourke the other night too.
And it was good in spots but it seemed to drag on forever, and there was nothing Indian in it either.
And I think a bug just ran up my arm.
Or maybe I'm turning into a bug.
Or maybe I'm turning into Franz Kafka.
Or maybe I'm just tired.
Hey, It sure is strange living alone again after not living alone for years and years and years.
I mean, I hear a noise and I say to myself that I'd better go see what she wants ... and then it hits me, and I don't know if I am relieved or sad when it hits me.
So, I guess I'll go to bed now, or maybe watch another movie.

Sometimes even I admit I shouldn't be allowed in the supermarket unchaperoned.

2009-01-13T16:31:00.002-05:00

I have never had BBQ Pork Skins in my life, I'm not sure if I have had any flavor or Pork Skins in my life, and I'm not even sure that "flavor" is the correct term to describe what Pork Skins have.
Buffalo flavored Pringles, who knew that such a thing existed?
Pretzels, yeah, boring old fat free pretzels, yaw-n-n-n-n-n.
I swear to god that orange juice flavored jelly belly's might be the very cure to my virility problems!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, eggnog flavored whatever you call those things in the middle part there.
You put the coconut in the jelly belly and eat it all up, and call me in the morning.
The Giant Hershey Bar that ate Cincinnati.
The end.

Sometime's nothing is a real good plan unless it entails dying along the way.

2009-01-12T23:48:00.005-05:00

Q. So, what have you been doing for the past year or so?
A. Hmmmm, you know, some stuff that had to be done, that wasn't too pleasant, but still had to be done.
Q. Are you back?
A. Are you back??? What kind of a question is that?
Q. Wait, I'm asking the questions.
A. That wasn't a question.
Q. Am I lost?
A. Yes.
Q. Didn't you just get back from a month in Florida?
A. Yes, my sister was afraid for me to be alone over the xmas holidays.
Q. Should she have been?
A. Now, no, six months ago yes, but it was nice anyway.
Q. What was the highlight of your visit?
A. T-shirts ... cheap t-shirts, I bought lots and lots of cheap t-shirts, and they are all Florida themed cheap t-shirts, except for one of them which is a Hawaiian themed cheap t-shirt, go figure.
Q. What else floated your boated?
A. I ate dinner at a place called Bubba's, they give you a bowl of peanuts when they seat you, and then you are expected to eat the peanuts and throw the shells on the floor. I did that, and then I ate prime rib and three quarters of some kind of bock beer on draft, and then we dumped the rest of the peanuts in my sister's purse and took them home to give to my sister and her husband's two parrots.
Q. Speaking about birds. How much did it cost to board your parakeet at the pet store?
A. I don't want to talk about it.
Q. Why not?
A. Because it cost twenty bucks a week for four weeks ... damn you, I said I didn't want to talk about it.
Q Fuck you.
A. That's not a question either.
Q. Fuck you?
A. That's better.

Ten with a haircut

2008-11-26T00:05:00.003-05:00

1. Fairport Convention - Come All Ye
2. Jackie Lomax - Sour Milk Sea
3. Steve Earle - I Ain't Ever Satisfied
4. Lou Reed - Coney Island Baby
5. Julie Brown - The Homecoming Queen's Got A Gun

6. Bob Dylan - Boots Of Spanish Leather
7. Guided By Voices - I Am A Scientist
8. Graham Parker - Local Girls
9. Bar Kays - Soul Finger
10 John Stewart - California Bloodlines

I think it's time for a haircut.

2008-11-20T15:58:00.003-05:00

Ok, here's the deal.
What am I supposed to do with the bird that mocks me when I go to Florida, California, and Columbia(???)?
I was thinking maybe thanksgiving dinner.

1 - 18

2008-11-17T01:33:00.002-05:00

1. So, I'm going Florida next month.
2. And I've got all these things I have to straighten out first.
3. Oh yeah, I've already got a ticket ... both ways ... on a jet.
4, And if you give me your address I'll send you a post card.
5. You know, one of those funny Florida type postcards.
6. Or maybe some babe in a bikini.
7. It's up to you.
8. You decide.
9. You know who I can't stand?
10. I don't know either.
11. But back to the things I have to straighten out before my trip ...
12. Bills, bills, bills.
13. I'm going to be gone during overlapping billing periods, and I don't want any past due penalties, because that's just the way I roll.
14. So I guess I'll have to contact the different places that I have to pay, and you know, figure out a way to pay them.
15. I'm tired.
16. No, I'm not really tired.
17. I'm just going to go hang out on buzznet with all my cool friends.
18. Later.

I hate the 80's and you might as well throw in the last couple years of the 70's as well.

2008-11-14T19:14:00.007-05:00

So, I was driving home from the store this evening and a Pat Benatar song came on the radio, ok, and I don't mean to go all hating on Pat Benatar but ...
I have always felt that her head was way too small for her body, and now with the help of Google Image Search I have photographic proof.

Hmmmm, maybe this isn't a good example, but I'm pretty sure that this photo has been drastically retouched.

Ah, yes, this is better, a certified un-retouched photograph of Pat Benatar.

I bet she isn't wearing any make-up either.

Ok, I guess, I'm back

2008-11-14T19:14:00.001-05:00

I guess.

You wanted a post, you got a post.

2008-06-25T04:40:00.002-04:00

Why I am awake at four thirty in the morning.
1. I'm worried about the Two Coreys.
2. I'm thinking about how funny it would be to see a video of cats on an automated treadmill.
3. I just finished making a big picture of lemonade for anyone who would like to mow my lawn.
4. And when I say picture I mean pitcher.
5. And now I can't get the image of the giant smiling pitcher of Kool-Aid out of my head, and if I do ever get to sleep I'll probably dream about him ... AGAIN, and let's hope that this time it's not one of *those* dreams.
6. I think if I were a cartoon character I would be Daffy Duck, or maybe Sylvester the cat's son, who I am sure has a name, and I could probably do a Google and find out, but ... ok, I will.
7. Ok, his name was Junior, and how much of a let down is that, seriously, how much thought went into that, and I know that Junior was just a tertiary character, but still.
8. Ha, I worked tertiary into a post!!!
9. I wonder if any of my buzznet friends are around?
10. They all think I am incredibly handsome, and yeah, it's kind of embarrassing, but they depend on me so much, that, well, what harm can it do, I mean, I can play incredibly handsome if I have to.

I just poked a hole in my ear drum, but that's ok, because I couldn't hear out of that ear anyway.

2008-06-17T02:04:00.003-04:00

I almost hyperventilated at the store today, and I'm serious too.
My sinus were so bad that I couldn't breathe through my nose, and before I realized that I could breathe through my mouth I was in full out hyperventilated mode, and where are the paper or plastic guys when you need them, because I could have used a paper bag for sure, but you probably already knew that, and I wish I knew what caused my sinus to do that, because not only is it rude, it is a hazard to my health.

Monday is as Monday does.

2008-06-16T11:37:00.001-04:00

I thought I made a post in here about three this morning.
I must be losing my mind, wait, there it is.
S'ok now.

On Sunday it never seems old.

2008-06-15T08:43:00.003-04:00

Oh, my precious blog, please forgive me for neglecting you.
I've been wooed by others, but don't despair.
I proclaim by all that is holy that ummmmmmmmmmmm.
Hold on, I have to go check out buzznet.
Be back in a bit.
See ya, wouldn't want to be ya. har har har har.

I'm posting, ok, I'm posting

2008-06-07T14:32:00.004-04:00

Ten ways you can identify a stalker.
1. She is jealous of your buzznet friends, and will probably sacrifice a small domesticated animal when she finds out that this will also be posted on buzznet.
2. She claims she lives on Guam, a made up place if there ever was one.
3. She has many cats.
4. She names all her cats after Martins Sheen's children.
5. She considers blood one of the basic food groups.
6. She believes the NKOTB live in her spare bedroom and the gay one is stealing her underwear.
7. She thinks everyone lusts after her feet.
8. She has an imaginary lover that looks like Jackie Earle Haley.
9. She makes all her important life decisions based on the findings of her Magic 8 Ball.
10. She keeps a Nancy Kerrigan dream diary. No, she keeps two Nancy Kerrigan dream diaries. One is PG13 and the other one is R rated.

I think I'm going to turn this into a dream posting blog because that's all I ever do, that and surf porn

2008-05-30T21:21:00.004-04:00

I dreamt last night that I gave Jackie Earle Haley, you know, that bad ass kid Kelly Leak from all the Bad News Bears movies, yeah him, I dreamt that I gave Jackie Earle Haley a flash light, and I think he thought it was some kind of sex toy until I told him that sometimes a flash light is just a flash light.
He nodded knowingly.

JEH then

JEH now

It's ok, really it is.

2008-05-27T17:56:00.000-04:00

So, mostly I just post on buzznet now.

Erg

2008-05-08T15:47:00.001-04:00

It's almost seven in the morning and I just woke up after not falling asleep till four thirty in the morning, and I just looked outside and saw that animals have knocked over the Thursday morning take out the trash trash cans that I took out Wednesday evening.

Photographic proof that the Thursday morning trash trash cans that I took out Wednesday evening have been knocked over.

I am much too sleepy to go out and turn the trash cans over, ok, they've already been turned over, but you know what I mean, you know, put the trash cans upright, but upright just seems like such a priggish word, and I'm so sleepy, so I'm not thinking too straight, well, I'm STRAIGHT, but, well, you know what I mean, and yeah, I bet you're thinking, oh, right boz, you're too sleepy to go turn over the trash cans, but not too sleepy to take a half a dozen pictures through the living room window, or not too sleepy to make this journal entry, and all I can say is BUSTED.

Good night, errr, morning.

It sucks getting old.

2008-05-02T23:26:00.000-04:00

That's what my sister said to me the last time we talked about our mother.

She carries on conversations with the television.

She talks to Perry Mason, and Hawkeye Pierce, and Laura Ingalls, and Nellie Olson.

She talks to neighbors.

She talks to friends.

She talks to relatives.

She talks to people who are no longer here.

I used to try and tell her that it was just the television, but she has always been stubborn and she never believed me.

I even yelled at her once, and for that I am very ashamed.

Now I just let her talk and agree with whatever she says.

It worries me, but I guess it could be worse.

It sucks getting old.

It's good being boz

2008-04-29T21:38:00.001-04:00

The much talked about, the much anticipated, the totally awesome package from abrowncat.
Seriously, this is just about the coolest package I have ever gotten.
The contents:
1. A Nestle Treasures Dark Chocolate Truffle candy bar, which I tried not to eat before I took this picture, but it didn't work, and it was very good, and it was TRUFFLES!!!
2. A mouse pad with waves and everything on it which will always remind me of Annette, and Gidget, and all the other little surf chickies from all the little surf movies of the mid 60's.
3. A set of 10 photo frame cards for photos and stuff.
4. 8 velcro utility ties, which I might be able to use as handcuffs or at least finger cuffs.
5. A miniature rubber pirate duckie, and I can tell it's a pirate because he is holding a map under his wing with X marking the spot.
6. An easy open pop 'n pull for pop top cans, which hopefully MB will be able to use so she doesn't have to wake me up in the middle of the night when she wants ANOTHER beer.
7. An inked stamp which reads "I'd rather be ..." which will be very useful when I found out where, or what, I'd rather be.
8. A 15 pack of Glow Stick Bracelets which I'll be sure to use when the Senior Center has their next rave. (Ok, seriously, I have never been to a senior center in my life ... because I'm not old enough, and I was just making a joke, ok??? ok???)
9. Pencils ... pencils ... and more pencils, and did any of you, while you were in school, ever drop a pencil on the floor so you could sneak a look up the skirt of the hot girl who sat behind you?
10. A magic towel that you place in water and then watch expand into a towel that is 100% cotton, which will be great if I ever go on vacation, or to jail, and have limited packing space.
11. A Salonpas patch for aches and pains ... wait, there are 20 patches, so maybe I can mummify myself, and seriously, I have enough aches and pains where it would take 20 patches to, uhhh, take care of all my aches and pains.
12. A pad of Alaska sticky notes, and I'm pretty sure that abrowncat didn't get these in Alaska, but she might have, and my oldest nephew was born in Alaska just a few months after the Great Alaskan Earthquake of 1964.
And now the two BIG gifts, not that the other gifts aren't BIG gifts, it's just that these two are even BIGGER than the other BIG gifts.
13. A C.S.I t-shirt ... CSI ... Can't Stand Idiots ... which would probably be the t-shirt you would get if the "I'm With Stupid" t-shirt just didn't cut it any more.
14. A Peanut Butter and Jelly Time t-shirt with the dog that I don't know the name of from Family Guy dressed in a banana costume and shaking his marachis ... cha cha cha, and I do like peanut butter, but I'm pretty mehhhh about jelly, but I will wear this t-shirt with pride, and I promise I will do a Google search and find out the dog's name, and you know, I'm not sure if I am more like the dog that I don't know the name of, or Stewie, but I know I'm like one of them.

This is a seriously totally awesome package.
Thanks ABC!!!

I'll take Mom & Pop for $200.00 Alex

2008-04-23T23:15:00.001-04:00

I hired Mom & Pop's raking service to take care of the leaves in my yard, but I'm starting to get a little worried.

You know the old saying about never eating at a diner called Mom's or playing poker with a guy name Pop, I think that may carry over to leaf raking too.

When I told a friend about Mom & Pop she replied thusly in a series of frantic emails:

1. Forget mom and pop's raking service, I will rake your yard for the small fee of $7,000!!!!!!!!

2. I am a little worried that mom and pop are really coming over to case the joint, so be on alert. I saw this once in Home Alone, except your part was played by Macaulay Culkin and mb's part was cut.

3. Mom and pop are definitely planning to a.) rob you blind, or b.) try to get you involved in a pyramid scheme

4. You will get sick of the pop tarts pretty quickly i am guessing. Mom and pop probably love them and will eat them along with YOUR LIVER!!!!!!!!!

5. You made a video of yourself eating pop tarts??????? That will be all that is left to remember you by once mom and pop harvest your organs, so you should post this video.

6. I am just checking to see if you are alive or if mom and pop gutted you.

7. I was hoping that was a picture of mom and pop gutting you.

8. Gee, do you think your sickness has anything to do with that snickers bar? I hope you didn't eat or drink anything mom and pop brought you either.

As you can see she also warned me about the dangers of Pop Tarts and Snicker's bar.

10 Cd's that I didn't know what I was thinking about when I bought them

2008-04-20T23:24:00.002-04:00

I don't think I've purchased a CD in about 7 or 8 years. I think the last CD I purchased was a Lonnie Donnegan Greatest Hits collection, and seriously, why isn't he in the rock and roll hall of fame, but anyway, yeah, I don't buy Cd's anymore, I just download now, and yeah, I do it LEGALLY (smirk), so, yeah, here are 10 Cd's that I didn't know what I was thinking about when I bought them, and I'm sure there are more, but these are the first 10 I ran across.

1. Deanna Carter, Did I Shave My Legs For This - Great title, but I think I was going through a mainstream country phase at the time, and this might be the one that ended it.

2. The Dixie Chicks, Wide Open Spaces - What can I say, I dig cross-eyed chicks, and did you see the short blond one when she was one the DIY program Trading Spaces, and I could have called her the short chunky blond, but I didn't.

3. The Corrs, Talk On Corners - Are we starting to notice a trend here? I mean, c'mon I never even noticed that one of the Corrs was a guy, and they really have that Galway Girl dark hair, blue eyes thing down, don't they.

4. Derek And The Domino's, Layla - Ok, I thought there was a song on this CD that I really liked back when I first got out of the air force back in 1972, but it turns out the song I really liked was by Ten Years After, and seriously I think he pushed his kid out the window.

5. Fairport Convention, Encore Encore - A really piss poor live CD which I thought was a greatest hits CD that was recorded, I don't know, 20 years after Sandy Denny died, and they didn't even get a chick singer to replace SD on her lead vocals, I mean DAMN!!!

6. U2, Joshua Tree - Ok, this is the kind of CD that you would think I would love, but geez, I've had it over ten years and I've never listened to it all the way through, and c'mon now, there is only one Bono, and that's Sonny!

7. Matapedia - Kate & Anna McGarrigle - I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I must have had a vagina when I bought this one.

8. R.E.M, Monster - Everyone should own at least one R.E.M. CD, but this isn't the one.

9. Paula Cole, This Fire - Ok, I admit it, I really liked Where Have All The Cowboys Gone, and I know that it was tongue in cheek, and yeah, Paula Cole is sort of naked on the cover, and we share the same last name, but the rest of this CD made me wish that I didn't have ears.

10. Bettie Serveert, Dust Bunnies - Who the fuck is Bettie Serveert???

Ten fairly common things that I have never done.

2008-04-20T00:53:00.002-04:00

1. Eaten a pop tart.
2. Ridden a horse.
3. Stared Charlie down from the wrong end of a bayonet ... no, I've done that, well, not really, but it's an urban legend that I started about myself when it became chic in the early 80's to sort of hint that you might have served in Vietnam even if you actually hadn't, and I actually worked with a guy that actually hinted, actually, he more than hinted, and you know I actually believed him until I realized that he didn't graduate from high school until June of 1973, which was I think a couple of months after the war ended, and when I asked him when he served in the army he said 1975 through 1977, and I said it must have been hard serving in Vietnam after everybody else had left, and then he admitted that he hadn't actually served in Vietnam, but that he had actually (and how many times have I typed actually?) served in Germany, and then I said sarcastically, that yeah, Germany was real tough duty in the 70's, and then he got all indignant and said he had served in the coldest part of Germany, and even though it wasn't Vietnam, it was almost as bad as Vietnam, well, except for the cats in black pjs and BF Goodrich sandals trying to kill you, and that's the reason I started the "Staring down Charlie from the wrong end of a bayonet" urban legend about myself as a way of poking fun at the guys that really, really, really wanted you to believe that uh, well, you know, the whole Vietnam chic thing that I mentioned a few lines back, but you know, I did spend a month in Turkey when I was in the air force, and the hash wasn't all that good, and neither were the three dollar prostitutes.

4. Did it.
5. Did it.
6. Did it.
7. Did it.
8. Did it.
9. Did it.
10. Ahhhhh, yeah, I did that too.

Seriously, if I didn't know that I made this stuff up I wouldn't think that I made it up.

2008-04-19T19:17:00.002-04:00

The Freudian Penis of Doom patiently awaits the arrival of his Russian mail order Freudian Vagina of Doom.

Thanks for listening.

2008-04-14T23:48:00.011-04:00

Ten things you would find in my bedroom without looking too hard, with accompanying photographs.

1. A spray bottle of store brand orange scented Fabreze.

2. A 6.7 ounce of Intimate Warming Massage.

3. A monkey on my shoulder.

4. A little Liz Phair nipple slippage.

5. Something Freudian.

6. A C# Hohner blues harp.

7. Zoloft, but don't worry I'm not a teenage boy.

8. Cheap sunglasses.

9. Three unread novels(IN ONE FUCKING VOLUME) by Henry Miller that I might start reading tonight, yeah, what are the odds of that!

10. Cheap whiskey, which makes sense because I don't drink, well, ok, like, I might have a drink every two years or so.

I should do a salt water gargle.

2008-04-12T17:25:00.003-04:00

Happy 37th birthday to Shannen Doherty, and I bet people misspell her name a lot.

I like to think of Shannen as America's answer to Princess Di, except for the whole tunnel thing, and wasn't there something about land mines too?

Miss June and the summer of 1961

2008-04-12T04:09:00.002-04:00

It's four in the morning and I can't sleep so I guess I should tell you about the summer that Wesley from across the street and I turned eleven years old.

To be continued.

Ditto Kiddo

2008-04-07T10:27:00.002-04:00

I had a dream last night that I was Eric Stolz and scored 100% on a spelling test. This wasn't the Eric Stolz from Mask, it was the Eric Stolz from Some Kind of Wonderful, and seriously how could Eric Stolz not realize that even though five years down the road Mary Stuart Masterson would come out of the closet as a screaming bull dyke, not that there is anything wrong with it, but how could Eric Stolz not realize that Mary Stuart Masterson was a much better choice than that stuck up piece of PWT Lea Thompson, and seriously I have never felt that in any way, shape, or form that Lea Thompson was even remotely attractive.

M-a-a-a-a-a-a-n, I don't wanna update my blog

2008-04-05T01:29:00.002-04:00

Seriously, I've got nothing to say, and I still have a cold, but I did get my state income tax refund today, and I wanted to deposit in the credit union, but I couldn't find my credit union card, and the teller said that he could look it up, and then I asked if he could make me a new card, and he said no problem, and while he was in the back room making my card, and probably snorting coke, I found my card, but I didn't say anything, and right now I'm listening to Tom Rush sing No Regrets, and Tom Rush is either from Vermont or New Hampshire, and hell if I know which is which, and why didn't they call Vermont New Vermont, makes sense to me, and I almost typed makes since to me, and I've got a big bruise on my left leg, above the knee, on the inner thigh, right where nobody can see it, unless I want them to, and would you like to see it?

Just to let you know what's happening.

2008-03-28T03:55:00.003-04:00

It's four in the morning and I'm sick as a dog, or maybe I mean like a dog, and my fucking keyboard can't keep up with my train of thought, I should back track a bit, I'm pretty sure I mean sick as a dog, I mean, because even in my feverish state being sick like a dog doesn't make any sense.

So, I'm sick as a dog, and, you know, sick as a dog doesn't make much sense either, so let's just say I'm sick, or as my doctor likes to say, I've got the creeping crud, or maybe he just says the crud, but I like creeping crud better because it's alliterative, and really, just how often am I alliterative, so cut me some slack, por favor.

Ok, I've got the creeping crud, and shit, that just sounds wrong, so let's just say that I'm under the weather, nah, let's just say I don't feel ...........
What the fuck .... a goddamn alarm just went off, and I thought for sure it was a smoke alarm, and I thought for sure that the house was burning down, and I thought for sure that I wouldn't be able to finish this post, so I ran out to see what it was, I mean, it wasn't long ago that MB put a hot dog bun in the microwave and set the timer for seventeen hours, and let me tell you something, that after seventeen hours in a microwave a hot dog bun is ahhhhhhhhhh, charcoal. So I went running out to see what it was, half expecting to be overcome by smoke, and the sound was coming from the bathroom, and seriously, all this happened while I was writing this post, and the sound was coming from the bathroom, and I don't have a smoke detector in the bathroom, and yeah .... fuck it, it was the little digital clock, I guess MB, or maybe even me, and yeah, I do some pretty bat shit crazy things at times, anyway, one of us must have pushed the little clicky thing and put the alarm on, I don't know, I guess it's just not my day.

So, I'm sick, and I can't sleep because every time I lay down, or lie down, and I'm pretty sure it's lay down, but I'm hedging my bets, but every time I lay down my nose gets so stuffed up it's like I'd need a set of allen wrenches to open them up, and I'm not even sure what allen wrenches are, so that should tell you just how sick I am.

Do clams get clammy or is that just a saying?

2008-03-27T23:02:00.003-04:00

I'm so sick that I am just going to post this picture of MB taken with my new cellphone at Hungry Howie's this afternoon where she is trying to look like she is listening to what I am saying when what she is actually doing is thinking that she should have said yes to that guy that looked an awfully lot like Glen Ford when he asked her if she would like to dance back in 1939 at that dance she went to with her girlfriend from the hospital that she worked at about two weeks before she met my father.

The attack of the four dollar hoodie.

2008-03-22T23:29:00.001-04:00

My eyes, my eyes, what have they done to my eyes.

Beard does look nice though.

Good Friday

2008-03-21T23:35:00.001-04:00

I bought a new toy, exchanged the hoodie, and recieved my new phone via FedEx.

The Unabozbozenbozer

2008-03-20T20:58:00.000-04:00

Unabated phone boner

2008-03-19T23:20:00.002-04:00

I ate chicken noodle soup with oyster crackers tonight.
They've opened a casino just 40 miles from where I live.
I'm bored, that's it.

Going cellular in a bozzular world

2008-03-18T18:54:00.003-04:00

I finally signed up for a real cell phone plan. It's with AT&T. I got the $39.99 2 year package, with 450 any time minutes which rollover, and 5000 late night minutes, and I added the 200 Messages plan for an extra $5.00.

I bought the LG CU515 - Plum, yeah plum, because I wanted a phone with a little bozzazz to it.

It's got a camera which is supposed to be crappy, and a music player, and an micro sd slot for up to a 4 gig card, and a bunch of other stuff like blue tooth capabilities, whatever the fuck that is, and I can send pictures and videos, and I'm already bored with it even though I ordered it on line and haven't gotten it yet, and I'll probably try to get a cheaper lan line deal, or get rid of it altogether, because I heard on the radio that a lot of people are doing that, a lot of cutting edge people are doing it, and I'm nothing if not cutting edge, and ok, I'm all excited again, and I'd show you a picture of my phone boner, but a picture wouldn't do it justice.

I guess this is the title.

2008-03-17T23:31:00.002-04:00

I just did a Google Image Search for "some chick" and this is the best I came up with.

It's late, and I needed a post, so fuck it.

Doctor's appointment today.
He suggested that I used a saline solution nasal spray and a humidifier to help with my sinus problem. So I will, and I didn't even have to buy either of them, but then a girl from Argentina just told me that she was once addicted to saline nasal spray, and now I'm worried that I'll become addicted, even though my doctor said I could used it all I wanted and not have to worry about overdoing it, so who am I to believe , my doctor, or a cute chick from Argentina who likes 60's music.

Top Chef needs more licorice recipes

2008-03-16T08:34:00.002-04:00

It's eight thirty in the morning and I'm scarfing down blue raspberry licorice like there is no tomorrow, and if I die today I guess there would be no tomorrow, but anyway, I don't care if it makes me sick(er) it still tastes very good.

If I'm not here tomorrow check the morgue.

2008-03-15T21:14:00.003-04:00

I'm really sick tonight.
I think it might be god's way of punishing me for blowing off the blood test I was supposed to get.
I am nauseous.
I am perspiring profusely.
I have chills.
My throat is sore.
AND THOSE DAMN TEENAGERS OUTSIDE WON'T SHUT UP. IT'S DARK OUTSIDE, SHOULDN'T THEY BE HOME WORKING ON THEIR MY SPACE ACCOUNTS.
Anyway ...
I started watching the new season of Top Chef tonight on Bravo, and the best part so far is the host Padma Something or other.

The host, Padma Something or other, but it might be Lakshmi.

Excuse me while I go puke.

I was supposed to get a blood test today, but I blew it off because I would have had to fast, but I didn't.

2008-03-14T16:40:00.002-04:00

Daylight Savings Time is really screwing me up.
It's 4:41 pm, and it seems later, but it is actually earlier.

If my name were Ralph it would be funny because that's what I feel like doing.

2008-03-13T08:05:00.001-04:00

I haven't slept in a week, or since five thirty this morning, whichever came first.

But why Asia Argento?

2008-03-12T01:41:00.004-04:00

Asia Argento

Asia Argento Again

Asia Argento Again Again

But why Asia Argento?
It's her underpants.

Adventures in Bobble Head Land

2008-03-11T21:06:00.003-04:00

Hulk Benet-Ramsey and Officer Jonnie's First Date.

Lt. Colonel Boz Bozbozenboz waits in ambush outside Der Fuehrer's private Water Closet ... and two bonus foto funnies.

2008-03-11T00:34:00.002-04:00

Where have you gone Moonie Pottie a nation turns it's lonely eyes to you.

2008-03-10T00:13:00.004-04:00

Ten things it is hard to do while listening to an mp3 player.
1. Shave, unless it's your legs or your tongue.
2. That's all I can up with.
3. But I'll keep thinking.
4. Did anyone see that article in Der Spiegel ... I took a year of German in college, and at the first university I went to I used to go into the library archives and look for pictures of naked women in back issues of Der Spiegel, and there was always at least one, so when I transferred to a second university I did the same thing, but someone had went through every issue and cut out all the naked lady pictures, I mean, they censored Der Spiegel, yes, CENSORSHIP reared it's ugly head in a supposedly liberal midwestern university, either that, or some horny college student (other than me) had cut them out and started a Der Spiegel Naked Woman Scrapbook, which would have given him something to thumb through after he had barricaded himself in the university chapel bell tower and was still waiting for his first clear shot.
5. My fingers are not hitting the correct keys tonight.
6. Tom Petty looks like a really ugly woman.
7. Like an ugly woman that I used to date, nah, I'd never admit to dating an ugly woman, even if I did, I'd never admit it, and even if she were ugly I'm sure I would have found her inner beauty, and been happy, until she dumped me.
8. Don't mind my grammatical errors, they're part of my charm.
9. Oh yeah, Der Spiegel is a German magazine that I am pretty sure Tom Petty subscribes to, and can I end a sentence with to?
10. This whole grammar thing is very upsetting, sorry.

Pokies and other blasts from the past.

2008-03-09T20:42:00.004-04:00

Linda Fiorentino turned 48 today.

I like her toes, and her mouth, and her voice, and a lot of her other stuff too.

I like her better than Shannyn Sossamon.

But there are many good things about Shannyn Sossamon too, like her name and her pokies, and when was the last time I used the word pokies in here ...

Boz and Henry Miller take the Faygo Candy Cane Cola taste test.

2008-03-08T00:09:00.003-05:00

It's also given me a bit of a sugar buzz, because I only drink diet soda, and this wasn't diet, and maybe I shouldn't have drinken, make that dranken the whole one liter bottle, and really, I never did taste the candy cane, and were you thinking what I was thinking when I said I used to dip my candy cane in my glass of pepsi when I was a kid, but seriously, my shoulder really hurts tonight, so instead of folding laundry I took a nap, and when I woke up from my nap I felt like I had been to hell and back and back again with Boz's Bastards, tra la, tra la, tra la.

Where is my winter?

2008-03-07T17:34:00.002-05:00

I am pretty excited because I got 16 AA batteries for a dollar at the Dollar Store, and yeah, they do work pretty good in my mp3 player #2 which takes one AA battery, and in the new flashlight that I also just bought at the Dollar Store (no picture available). I mean, sixteen of anything for a dollar is a pretty good deal.

I also bought a 1 liter bottle of Faygo Candy Cane Cola for fifty cents, which I will probably be drinking tonight with one of my real long straws, and maybe I'll post a video just to show you how long the straw really is.

Great moments in military history as re-enacted by Lt Colonel Boz Bozbozenboz.

2008-03-06T00:28:00.000-05:00

Nothing suitable can come of this.

2008-03-05T00:16:00.001-05:00

I went to the $ store today and bought socks and army men.
1. You can never have enough socks.
2. When I was a kid my parents never bought me army men, never, and this might be my last chance.
3. I'm going to call my battalion of army men BOZ'S BASTARDS!!!.
4. I'm going to make a series of short videos starring BOZ'S BASTARDS.
5. The first video will be called BOZ'S BASTARDS: TO HELL AND BACK, AND THEN BACK AGAIN BECAUSE THEY LIKED IT SO MUCH!
6. Just call me Lt Colonel Boz Bozbozenboz.
7. That's it.
8. What's with the numbers?
9. Dunno.
10. I'll take Paul Lynde for the block.

2001: A Boz Odyssey

2008-03-04T01:18:00.002-05:00

Got a haircut today. The barber was eating a a fun size Snickers bar while he was giving me my haircut. The fun size 8 packs are on sale this week at the drugstore for fifty cents each. I've bought two packs so far.

I've been trying all night to watch the movie Disturbia starring that kid that used to play the younger brother on one of those Disney Channel shows, the kid with the girl sounding name. I've gotten through about forty minutes so far, but it has taken me four attempts.

I'm losing an online Scrabulous game to Mr. DVL, and there is a t-shirt riding on the outcome, and I'm not getting anything but vowels, give me a consonant or two, dammit.

-30-

The shavin' razor's cold and it stings

2008-03-03T02:41:00.007-05:00

Earlier tonight I had a sexual fantasy (cough, cough, cough) about an ugly girl who had a crush on me in high school, and I knew she had a crush on me because her brother told me, and really in hindsight she wasn't ugly, I was just stupid, and she sort of looked like a suicide girl without the tattoos and piercings, and forty years ahead of her time, and maybe that is why I had the sexual fantasy (cough, cough, cough) about the not really ugly girl in high school who had a crush on me, and isn't it strange how our outlook on beauty changes as we get older?

But yeah, it was good, and I didn't disappoint her, and she didn't disappoint me, and I think she believed me when I told her it was good for her complexion, and it all took place in the back seat of one of the driver's ed cars in the parking lot behind the gym, and I kept her underpants, and she kept my library card, and we exchanged phone numbers, and we sat on the curb until her ride showed up, and Daydream Believer was playing on the radio, and that sort of became our song, at least in the sexual fantasy (cough, cough, cough) I had earlier tonight.

Shhhh, I think I hear something.

2008-03-03T00:03:00.002-05:00

I have to get a blood test.
A blood test that I have to fast for twelve hours before the test.
I hate blood tests.
I hate the rubber tube they tie around my arm.
I hate the little sting when the technician sticks the needle in.
I hate the geeky techs who look like they get off on the whole blood and needle thing.
I hate when the tech asks me to make a fist.
I hate the feeling of the blood pulsing out my body even though I can't feel it, but I still feel it, you know what I mean, don't you.
I'm getting dizzy.
I think I'm going to pass out.
(Twenty Minutes Later)
What happened?

Your tongue, you can't live without it.

2008-03-02T17:00:00.002-05:00

Did you know there are tons of tongue videos on You Tube?

This isn't my favorite, and it's not like I have a tongue fetish, but it's not like I don't either.

Some ice cream would be nice.

2008-03-01T22:51:00.003-05:00

I didn't make my bed till 8:45 tonight, because I am a rebel, and I celebrated by eating two hot dogs, heavy on the mustard, and then I watched a movie where Britney Murphy played a slut.

Yeah, I've had a busy day.

He's a well respected man about town doing the best things so conservatively.

2008-03-01T03:06:00.004-05:00

It's the glasses, and the socks, and the pink skin, and the freckles, and the wispy hair, and the fact that she looks like the kind of girl who would have gone out with me in high school if I'd had the nerve to ask her out, and if I had asked her out we would have probably gone to see Bonnie and Clyde at the Mall, or maybe we would have tried to fake our way into the Jewel in Mount Clemens to see Blow-Up, and she'd tell me how she'd already been accepted to both U of M, and Wayne State, and wasn't sure where she wanted to go, but she was leaning towards Wayne State because she liked the urban environment, and I'd only sort of half way be paying attention because my underpants were riding up, and I was trying to scooch them back into place without appearing obvious, and that song by the Kinks would come on the radio, and I'd turn the sound up just a little, and she'd flash an awkward smile, and I'd try not to stare at her legs, because I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable, sigh ...

And now my whole body hurts.

2008-02-29T19:38:00.002-05:00